The older you get, the more likely it is that you may end up dating someone who’s divorced. The fact that someone is divorced doesn’t change who they are and while it shouldn’t affect your relationship with them, there are a few things to keep in mind. They don’t come with extra baggage (most of the time) but they do come with extra experience and people that should be taken in to consideration. The following are things to consider when dating someone who’s divorced:
They may have a different view of getting married.
They fell in love and said their vows to love someone until the day they died. Unfortunately, people and situations change. Your divorcee is very likely much happier now than before, but that doesn’t take away from the distorted illusion they now have of a fairytale love. They will be keen on taking their time to get to know you better from the beginning, moving slowly and doing the steps in order. It may take them a longer time to make the full commitment to your relationship, but once they do, they will be sure to be all in.
The ex will be around.
This is not your ordinary ex and they can’t be taken 100% out of the picture. Keep in mind that there may still be divorce and property settlements happening with the ex, as some of these things can take years to get done. An ex-wife or husband will almost always still be involved some way or another in your partner’s life. Being jealous or talking poorly about them will only cause tension in your own relationship. It’s very important that you are aware of this before getting serious with some who’s divorced and fully accept it. As time goes by, they may not be involved as much, but in the early years, it is inevitable.
If children are involved, they come first.
While this isn’t always the case, someone who’s divorced may have children with their ex. Their kids are their pride and joy and despite the divorce, the parents try to make adjustments taking into account what’s best for their children. If you’re dating someone who’s divorced and with kids from their previous marriage, you may notice a certain distance at the beginning of your relationship, especially during the time that they have custody of them. Be patient and kind. You have to remember that these are not only big changes for you, but also for them. Don’t be offended if they don’t want you to meet their children just yet. Kids deal with divorce much worse than adults do and each one is different. Their mom and dad will know when the time is right to introduce someone new into the picture.
Honor the past but live in the present.
Although a divorce may seem like a negative event in someone’s life, there was most likely a lot of happiness at one point. There were happy chapters here and there that they don’t want to forget and that make them who they are today. Someone who has been through a divorce has overcome grief, separation and loss on a difficult level. They’ve become more rounded people and have probably learnt from many mistakes on their and their ex’s behalf. You live and learn, right? We can’t change the past, but we can apply lessons from the past in the present. Just like dating anyone else, it’s important to focus on the day-to-day. Take things slowly, enjoy the process and fall in love.
