Why we date jerks, I can’t honestly tell you exactly why. It almost always ends in heartache and frustration, and we’re usually aware of how it’s going to end from the very beginning. But time and time again, we end up with another a-hole. As we get older and mature, we make better decisions about our future partner. We live and learn and figure out what values and characteristics are important to have. Maybe it’s just a learning process, but usually there is a reason behind why we date jerks. And it’s not the jerks fault, usually it’s our own. These are the core reasons why some women are jerk magnets.
1. You think you can change them.
You have a heart of gold and your intentions are wonderful. You want to help them be a better person, transform them into the perfect partner. Like they say, “Love moves mountains”, right? Wrong! Jerks are well aware of what they are doing and if they started the relationship as a jerk, they aren’t going to change.
2. You’re scared of being alone.
You probably find that you’re never single for very long. The next jerk is waiting for you right around the corner. You’ve gotten so used to constantly being with someone in your free time, that you hate being alone. You set out to look for someone to fill this time without learning how to appreciate your alone time.
You can learn a lot about yourself when you’re alone. Take time to reflect on the past and move on from it. This will give you much more clarity when starting to date someone new.
3. You judge the book by its cover.
I hate to say it, but a lot of the jerks out there are pretty good-looking… and they know it. Don’t fall into the trap right away. Get to know them first by going on multiple dates. Try to figure out their personality. If you see any red flags or think they might be superficial, run away as fast as you can.
4. You put up with everything.
You probably consider yourself a “go with the flow” kind of person, but this is no way to be in an unhealthy relationship. There is little to no compromise between the two of you and you accept it. You shouldn’t let a jerk tell you what they’re doing or even worse what you have to do. You need to put your foot down when you don’t agree with something. As partners, the importance of supporting each other and agreeing on situations and circumstances is what will lead to growth. You both have to show respect.
5. You don’t take to heart your loved ones’ advice.
Your friends and family know you much better than you think. They also have a different perspective of your partner, from the outside. They have your best interest at heart. So, when they tell you that it seems like you’re with yet another jerk, listen to them. Really evaluate your relationship instead of brushing off their opinion and getting defensive.
6. You hold on to the past.
You’ve started to accept that jerks are your “type”. You take things as they are and turn them into a thing of habit. You must want the change in order for it to happen. Learn from your past (failed) relationships. Consider how you can change so that your future relationship will be more successful and balanced.
7. You lack self-worth.
You really need to raise your level of respect for yourself. You first need to love yourself and be happy with yourself before you attract the most ideal partner for yourself. If you don’t feel worthy, you lower your own standards and you won’t attract a genuine gentleman.
So, figure out what is holding you back and make a change. Build your confidence for the future. Stop harping on the past and get excited for a fresh start in the future. A new, confident you that will attract an equally good partner.
8. You’re not ready for commitment.
You know your not ready for a serious relationship, but at the same time you don’t want to be alone. You know who the husband-worthy guys are, but since you don’t want to jump into any marriage compromising relationships, you go for the jerk that definitely won’t turn out to be your husband, rather just another one along the way.
